WHY THE FUCK IS IT RAINING ITS FUCKING DECEMBER ITS SUPPOSED TO BE SNOWING
GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER!
"I’ve been with Eric over 100 years. I’ve watched him seduce supermodels and princesses and…Spit out their bones when he is finished. How can someone named Sookie take him away from me?"
Before I start this: This contains spoilers for The Hobbit. And I mean the book and the movie so mind your step.
Okay, first of all I might have to say that the first book I ever read by myself once I could read was The Hobbit. Also I head these audio cassettes that we would listen to in the car on long trips with my parents.
From the moment I first picked up The Hobbit I was in love.
So it was only natural that at some point I’d read The Lord of The Rings which I did. And let me tell you, when I first saw the movies in theater, it was the best thing. I was ten years old and it was the best thing I have ever seen, the perfect film.
So when last year I first saw the trailer for The Hobbit, I was in tears of joy. I was happy with the way the trailer looked. I was so happy, I couldn’t wait for the film.
Then on Christmas I went to see it with my mom, like we had Lord of the Rings a decade ago.
First off, my Mom loved the movie. But she isn’t such a fan of the books. Her taste in movies in a complete different one than mine. She loves the Popcorn movies, the Blockbusters, the funny stuff, the action stuff. She likes the Star Wars prequels.
Not to say that that’s all bad but we’re just different with that.
I hated it. I hated the Hobbit so much that I couldn’t cope with it. I couldn’t understand why I didn’t like the movie, I started to hate myself because I hated the movie.
Only after a week or so I started talking about it with my cousin and we had a very long, in depth discussion about it. His taste in movies, books and so on is very similar to mine so we could start to analyze why we both hated the Hobbit.
First off, it’s just long. Yes, I know Return of the King is just equally as long, but it needs to be long. It’s the third movie and it wraps up so much story. And yes, you could say the Hobbit needs to be long to because Story needs to be set up. With that I agree 100%. There needs to be story set up, Middle Earth needs to be reintroduced to the casual movie goer. Because not everyone needs new Lord of the Rings books because they have been read so many times that they fall apart *coughs*
I liked the dwarfs, I liked the beginning when they were in Bags End and the song was glorious and my everything was happy. But it just started to drag. On and on and so much talking and scenes that weren’t actually nice to look at.
That’s probably the biggest problem I have with this move. Okay it ties with the next one but here we go:
Fellowship came out 12 years ago. And I have to say it looks so much better than the Hobbit. Even Gollum somehow looked better in The Two Towers than he does in the Hobbit.
There is so much obvious CGI that throws me out of the movie. There is just so much crap that looks so unreal while the rest of the movie that’s not CGI looks incredibly good. Real and colorful and detailed. But the CGI is that too and it looks terrible together.
Probably the worst offense of this was the Goblin King and the whole Goblin Kingdom under the Misty Mountains.
I can’t exactly say what threw me off, but it just looked so fake. Everything did. It honestly looked to me like a lot of the Star Wars Prequels looked: Green/Blue screen with actors in them.
And while that was used in LotR also (mostly the Treebeard scenes with Merry and Pippin) it was done sparingly. It looked alright.
But this? Green Screen has this claustrophobic feel sometimes (again, look at the Star Wars Prequels) and I get that a lot in these movies. Not the feel it should have when in a cave, especially since the cave of the Goblins is a huge Cave. It shouldn’t feel like a tight space.
Now, the other thing I really, really hated about this movie.
It tried so so so hard to the Lord of the Rings. It tried so hard to be epic and great and big, while the Hobbit is actually a children’s book. (This also is the case with Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe and there it didn’t work either)
Why? Why would you try to be like Lord of the Rings when the material is something so different? Yes, it is an epic quest, it is a story about friendship and yes it takes places in the same realm that Lord of the Rings happens in.
But just look what’s at stake in these Stories:
If the Quest in LotR fails, all of Middle Earth will be destroyed, conquered and will belong to an evil lord of darkness.
If the quest of the dwarfs in Hobbit fails, they don’t get their mountain back…. and yes this one town at the lake might be destroyed because of a dragon.
It is an epic quest, but it’s not THAT epic. There is not a whole lot at stake, there isn’t a glooming sense of “if we fail the world as we know it will end”. And this is what was tried here. With the story of Sauron awakening in his fortress (which btw was an awesome addition to the movie and I loved just this little bit more of background information) which has little to nothing to do with the story of the Hobbit (yes the ring but Tolkien didn’t think it was neccessary to explain in the Hobbit what kind of ring that was or where it came from or say more than 2 sentences about that evil in his castle that stirs). Sauron is made to sit on the movie like he did in LotR and that just doesn’t work here.
Also, what the fuck is up with that White Ork thing? Did we need him? Was he really that important to the story? Also, to return to my last point, he too looks very bad and extremely fake.
Well, was there anything I liked about the movie?
YES: The scenery (NZ FTW <3), the music was great, the actors were really well cast, the song in bag end had me in tears it was exactly like it was described in the book.
The only thing I really didn’t like about the casting (okay that’s unfair it could just be the design of the characters) was that some of these dwarfs aren’t that dwarf like. Yes, i Mean elven price with bow dwarf. That made me just uncomfortable to a certain degree.
Now, why am I posting this now when the movie has been out for almost a year?
Because I just dared to watch the Trailer for Hobbit 2 and I just… No.
It just reminded me why I didn’t like the first.
Will I see this one in theaters? You can bet your ass I will. It’s not that I particularly want to. Okay maybe I do. I want to see it and I want it to be good and I really, really want to like this one. I am trying to tell myself that this one will be good.
(This reminds me of me and the Star Wars Prequels. Damn. I am in for a load of shit, aren’t I?)
time to put on my final exam outfit
if you are a lil unsure about your outfit just remember rupert grint went to his first premiere wearing this
how did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?
he gave her a ring